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For Myself-Doubt

Repeat after me:

I don’t think I know what I am doing. I only know what I think I’m doing. Yet, I must act. I must.

When I choose a course of action, the idea is not to avoid failure. I am going to fail regardless (because I do not know what I am doing). Rather, the idea is to choose the manner of my failure — its cause, its character, its consequence — to the best of my ability (bearing in mind, again, that my abilities are limited, given that I do not know what I am doing).

Given that I only know what I think I’m doing, and given that I am going to fail regardless, it is okay, midway down a path, for me to see certain obstacles ahead that I think I do not want to tackle — bearing in mind my strengths and weaknesses — and to say, “no, not this way,” and turn around.

It is okay because it is not a turning around to go home; it is okay because it is a turning around to take another path. I do not hide from failure when I turn away, do not aim to avoid all obstacles. I aim to avoid the obstacles that will injure me in a fall, in favor of the obstacles that will challenge me to climb. Whereas a failure met in a ditch puts mud in my mouth, failure met on a mountain-side affords me a spectacular new view.

I am not a shrinking violet, stunting my own growth. Rest assured, self, I will be revised — for I will fail regardless.

Filed under: philosophy, soap box, writing

About the Author

Posted by

I write fantasy and gothic romance. I also happen to have cerebral palsy, be genderfluid (pretty sure that's where I'm landing), and I nurse a deep affection for Tim Curry. Some of my favorite books are by Charlotte Bronte, Daphne du Maurier, Bram Stoker, Thomas Hardy, Sarah Waters, and Stephen King. If you would like to buy me a coffee, I'd totally drink it:

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